It was a Thursday in February about 6 and a half years ago. The day started out like any normal day. Me and my now wife were separated and I was dating someone at the time. I was supposed to go to new York after work that day for some broadway play. It was fairly early in the day at work when one of my managers ran towards me to tell me I had an important phone call. I went to my desk and picked up the phone only to hear my ex, Tai, in panic explaining to me that Dylan had to be taken to the hospital because he was very sick and they didn't know what was wrong with him. She had taken him to the pediatrician early that day because he wasn't looking very good. He was very pale and didn't seem to have much energy. They told her it was more than likely an ear infection. An hour later he started to throw up. Thats when they told her to bring him in to the hospital.
Not knowing what to expect when I got there, I rushed to the childrens hospital. I had no idea where they were so I had to have the person at the check in desk locate them. Oncology department? Why on earth would they be there? I had no idea what that even stood for. So I went upstairs to meet them and talk with the doctors. When I first saw Dylan I could not believe what I saw. He was so pale you could practically see through his skin. He was so weak he could barely open his eyes. My heart sank and an inexplainable wave of fear overcame me. The doctor sat us down and explained that they needed to run some blood work but they were thinking it was some blood disorder that I couldn't spell or pronounce. They also wanted to rule out other more serious possibilities. In the mean time they wanted to give him a blood transfusion to get him back to a more normal state. I couldn't believe what was happening. After the transfusion it became a waiting game. Nothing to do but sit and wait. I couldn't sit there at the hospital so I went back to my dads where I was living at the time.
It was probably around 1 in the afternoon but it felt like midnight. The sun outside wasn't making a dent in the darkness that i felt. The wait seemed like days. It was like time stopped. After what felt like an hour I remember looking at the clock to see that only 5 minutes had passed. I couldn't cry. I couldn't think. I just sat and stared at the phone. Then it rang. I was scared to answer it. I took about 4 rings before I got the nerve to be able to say hello.
Time froze. The world around me disappeared. All I could hear on the other end of the line was Tai crying uncontrollably. In between the tears she tried to tell me what was wrong. Then I heard it. Leukemia. Cancer. My son had cancer. The phone dropped from my hands and I fell to the ground. I could feel a piece of my soul vanish from inside. My chest hurt and I couldn't feel it but I could see the tears streaming from my face. I didn't know what to do. I was alone and scared. I had no one to turn to so I just screamed. The only thing I knew about cancer was that it caused death. I thought I was going to lose him forever.
I don't remember what happened immediately afterwards, but I somehow ended up back at the hospital. We sat down with a social worker and one of the nurses and they explained to us what Dylan had. Acute lymphoblastic leukemia. They talked about treatment and gave us books and pamphlets to read. I don't have a clue what they were saying to us. All I could do is hold him and wish that it was me and not him. I couldn't stand to watch him have to suffer. I wanted so badly to be able to switch places with him. They started treatment immediately. I still could not comprehend what was happening.
I went home that night and started to read the book that was given to me. I kept seeing positive things like 95% cure rate and all the different success stories. But I also read the section on bereavement and coping with loss and whatever optimism I had got flushed away just as quick as it came. I fell asleep at the table reading that book. It was the last sleep I would get for quite awhile.
After a few days I started to begin to be able to accept what was happening and spent the days at the hospital while Dylan got his meds and transfusions. At 18 months old, he had no idea what was happening. He continued to smile and laugh just like any normal toddler would. The fact that he could do this even while being injected with tons of needles and medicine dumbfounded me. It was incredible. He gave me the strength to keep going. He taught me more in this one week about life then I had learned in all years before this. I saw this in not just him but in all the other kids on that floor of the hospital. The strength and courage that they showed without even trying was amazing. It was because of this that I began to feel like things were going to be alright.
It was a little over a week and Dylan was scheduled to go home the following day. I was at my dads that night excited to be able to bring my son home from that hospital. The house was eerily quiet when all of a sudden the phone rang. My dad picked it up and handed me the phone. It was my mother in law.
"you need to get to the hospital right away. Something happened. Dylan fell and is in the ER..."
I don't know how or how long it took but before I knew it I was running up the hospital stairs to the emergency room. Tai ran to me and grabbed me tight, crying into my chest. Dylan had fallen over in the playroom that was on the eight floor of the hospital and began to turn blue. Tai quickly picked him up but he was quickly turning blue and felt lifeless to her. She stood with him in her arms not knowing what to do when a nurse grabbed him and hit the code blue button. Before she knew it he was being whisked away to the OR. He had suffered a stroke and also a subderal hematoma, which was a bleeding in the skull. His head was filling with blood and they needed to operate to release the fluid. When I got there he was already being operate on. All we could do was wait.
I remember sitting in the waiting room which was also the chapel and one of the Muslim valet men came in to pray. As I sat and watched him in my mind I kept asking him to pray for my son. I remembered this like it happened yesterday. My thoughts were broken by the arrival of the surgeon. He pulled us aside and told us the surgery was over. As he started to explain what he did and what to expect I heard the words "....I don't know if he will make it through the night....". I dropped to the floor. I felt nothing. I heard nothing after those few words. I felt like every emotion or feeling that a person could have completely left my body. Dylan was in the ICU but we couldn't see him. Once again we had to wait.
One hour turned to two, then to three, then finally after nearly four hours we were allowed in. Me and tai walked down the long hallway of the ICU to the very last room where Dylan was. When we got to the room what I saw will forever be entrenched in my mind. The room was dark. The only light that was on was a spotlight shining directly down on Dylan like it was coming directly from heaven. Dylan was unconscious and had tubes everywhere. He had a machine doing the breathing for him. He was in an induced coma. He would stay this way for many days afterwards. We would take turns reading to him throughout the day hoping for some kind of movement from him. I would sneak into his room and lie next to him. I would talk to him and tell him how much I loved him and how I couldn't wait to bring him home.
After a week or so the doctors felt it was time to take him off the machines. They felt he would be able to breathe on his own. They wouldn't let us stay in the room so we had to wait in the hall. After about ten minutes I heard the greatest sound ever. Dylan began to cry. It was something I never thought I'd hear again. For the first time in weeks I cried out of pure joy.
We remained in the hospital for another 4 weeks. Because of he cancer treatment and the surgery Dylan had quite a bit of recovery to do. Finally the day came when we could leave. As happy as we were, we were also scared to death.
The cancer treatment lasted three years. I cant even remember how many different pills he had to take or the various meds that were injected into him. There was too many to keep track of. Then one day in july, the doctor pulled us into a room told us Dylan was in remission. He made it. I have never been prouder. As far as I was and still am concerned, he could conquer the world if he really wanted to. He is my superman. Through all of this he would always be the one to make me laugh when I wanted to cry. He could and still can light up a room just by walking through the doors. He will never stop amazing me with what he does in life. Even with the physical disabilities left behind because of the stroke he adapts to anything. If he can't do it he won't stop trying until he can do it. There is nothing that will ever stop him.
My little boy turns 9 this Sunday. In the time I have had him in my life he has given me more than I could ever give him in three lifetimes. Everyday when I come home he is the first one at the door waiting to hug me. Every night he won't let me leave his room without giving him a kiss and a big hug. "Squeeze me harder" he says with a laugh. And I do. I squeeze him tight and don't want to let go.
Dylan, one day maybe you will read this. And if you do I want to thank you for being the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Even though you have had it the roughest of any kid I know you still managed to save me when I was the one that wanted to save you. I love you with every part of me and will always do what I can to make your life the best it can be. You always pretend to be Mario heading out to save Princess Peach from the grasp of the evil Bowser but let me tell you, you are way stronger than Mario. You are a superhero. I love you very much.
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