Yes, as guys we get this question often. You as women know that this question causes issues for us. We have a hard time coming up with a good answer so we usually just go with "No". I mean, what do you expect us to say? You're kidding yourself if we are ever going to say "Yes honey. That dress does make you look fat." That's pretty much the equivalent of a suicide note. Perhaps if you worded the question a bit different it would help. How about "I know I'm not fat, but does this shirt make me appear larger?" Or maybe "I realize I could lose a few pounds, but do these pants hide those extra pounds or accentuate them?" Ok, scratch that second one. All I'm asking is that you make it a bit easier for us. But for the record, you do not look fat in anything you wear. Honest. Not kidding. If you were to ask your kids however, then you might get an honest answer. Hell, you might not even have to ask them. My three year old would not hesitate to walk up and just grab your rear and say "mommy you have a big butt." Problem solved right? You now know the truth and I'm not in trouble for saying the wrong thing. The issue however is this problem has evolved into something much bigger.
That question has changed into something much more dangerous. Its not even a question anymore. It's turned into "I feel fat." I feel fat? What is that? I'll tell you what it is, it's the most unfair set up statement ever! How are we supposed to respond to that? If we say "Oh darling, you're not fat," we get "I know, but I feel fat!" There's no winning here. How do you change a feeling? We can't suggest the gym because they don't have Emotional Zumba classes or anything like that. Perhaps a shrink could help but if we bring up that option "What, are you saying I'm crazy!!!??" Well maybe I am but no honey, you're not crazy. Ladies, help me out here. What do you want us to say to this? Guys don't deel with feelings the way women do. We don't feel fat. The only feelings we acknowledge on a regular basis is hungry or horny, both of which are easily solved. Teach us. Its best for all involved if maybe you handed out a scripted answer for these situations. Throw us a bone please!!
While we're on the subject of women's wardrobe lets discuss something else. Boobs. (I know, I know, the word boobs is childish, but its much more fun to say boobs instead of breasts. At least I didn't call them boobies right?) You know that most men enjoy boobs quite a bit. We have all seen a women getting ready and one thing that you all do is adjust your lady parts so that either they're tucked away or so they are visible for the world to see. Let me just say that if you choose the latter, I feel that in essence they become a wardrobe accessory. Kind of like a bracelet or earrings. Something to enhance your outfit. That being said, wouldn't it be fair if we can comment on them? I mean if we can say "Wow Jennifer, I really like that blouse you're wearing today. It really goes well with that new haircut you got.", why not allow us to go with "Wow, I really like how your boobs fit in that shirt you have on." We're looking at them anyway so why not? Yes, I realize that this will never happen. Just looking for a way to make it less awkward when you catch us sneaking a peak. Be honest now, if you purposely put them out there, and you know guys will look, why get mad about it? Or is it just a fake mad? Are you secretly happy? Is this one of those weird girl code emotional moments thats happening? Again, help us understand. The more you help the better we all get along.
The female codespeak is annoying by the way. The male species is very primitive. We do what is spoken to us. We are not very good at reading between the lines. If you want us to do things tell us exactly what you want us to do. For example, the other day my wife asked me to "take the laundry downstairs." I did just that. I grabbed the basket of laundry and brough it downstairs. Later that day I get a phone call. "Why didn't you start the laundry!?" I didn't start the laundry because you didn't ask me to thats why. When I brought the laundry down however I did have a little Q&A session in my mind though. I considered starting the laundry but then I asked myself what if there is some shirt that needs to be washed differently? I wouldn't want to ruin any clothes so thats when I decided to just stick to the instructions passed down to me. This rule applies to everything. Short basic instruction will be fine. "Todd. Laundry. Bring Downstairs. Put in washer. Start wash. Please and thank you." Follow this guideline ladies and the world will ride its axis a bit smoother.
My final issue I would like to discuss today is food. Specifically when it comes to eating out. If we ask you "what would you like to eat tonight?," please please please do not respond with "whatever you want." We both know that this is not true at all. You definitely do not want what we want. Maybe sometimes you do, but 99% of the time you already have something else in mind.
"Ok so whatever you want huh? How about we get burgers tonight?"
"Ehhh, not really in a burger type of mood."
"Hmmm, how about chinese?"
"Didn't we just have chinese last month?"
"Oh.....didn't realize it was a once a quarter type meal....well what about Mexican?"
"What like taco bell? Yuck."
"A salad maybe?"
"What, are you saying I'm fat?"
"No, just trying to figure out dinner honey."
"Well I feel fat so maybe I shouldn't eat anything!!"
How many of us have had this conversation? I have the lumps on my forehead from banging my head on the wall to prove I've had it many times.
So my female friends, I hope I have given you some valuable items to think about. A woman is a very difficult thing to understand. I liken it to a giant maze. A maze lined with rose bushes. Smells very pretty, can cut you with its thorns, has lots of deadend traps, but once you find the right path can be a very very wonderful thing.
lmao...Well, Todd..you've come a long way baby since Warroad and being a kid. You could have asked these questions a long time ago, and the answers would have probably changed overnight.
ReplyDeleteFirst and foremost, if the woman is already set in a mood about how she looks...nothing you say will make any difference.
We know...that if they feel fat...anything they put on makes them feel fat. So...when your woman is wearing something that looks good..let her know "I love that blue blouse"
or I really like when you wear those jeans!"
The only thing most women hate to hear is "You look fine" we don't want FINE....lol. Remember you are dealing with the female species..who at any given moment could eat their young.
Women usually value the opinion of another "honest" female. But there are times that even another female may not be honest either. If you ever just sit somewhere and watch women....you will see that women judge women more often than men do. When we shop, eat or go anywhere, we are always comparing, observing and analyzing That's what we do.
I, myself will do the same thing even at my age..will try on six different outfits and complain about how I feel fat (even though I only weigh 135) sometimes it isn't the fat feeling...it's whether we are comfortable in what we are wearing. Or maybe it's a special occasion and everything you try on is discouraging so we go out and buy something new just to make it feel better. You will never have a clear answer on this subject.
Boobs....well...I can tell you this...no matter what size they are...men will always like boobs.
Women try to enhance, decrease, uplift tuck in...lmao to make them do what they are supposed to do. Men look at them for one reason.. We are asking for opinions, not a sexual advance...which I know men cannot help...but everytime we ask for a mans' opionion..we set ourselves up for it.
Now on to the dinner or going out thing...the "whatever you want" thing is a way of not being at fault if anything goes wrong. lol like if the meal wasn't good...we will say
"we should have gone to..." or any other reason that may fit. Saying "whatever" for anything is a way of not taking responsibility for whatever outcome. I am one of those...who say "whatever" because I don't really care where we go to eat...It would be nice just to go out once in awhile.
Bottom line is: Surprise us! Do the unexpected....Both sexes are unappreciated at times....do the laundry ...if you see that special blouse...don't throw it in there...simple. lol